A Lectio Divina meditation on Psalm 38 from Nan Merrill’s book Psalms for Praying

Experience stillness and in the quiet hear what God is offering from these rich and hope-filled words.

O Beloved, in your mercy, forgive me,

in your compassion raise me up!

For arrows of fear pierce my heart,

and guilt weighs heavy upon me. 

I live in confusion, fear, and despair

because of my illusions;

My body responds with illness

because of my stubbornness. 

Ignorance casts me into darkness;

I grope in every direction,

searching in vain.

Because of foolishness, my heart has

turned to stone,

I am utterly bowed down, overcome

with remorse;

I spend days in mourning,

and pray for mercy throughout

the night.

I acknowledge my weakness,

O Loving Presence,

illness has overtaken me. 

My energy is depleted, my spirit

Crushed;

I groan under the tumult of

my heart.

Beloved, all my longing is known to You,

my sighing is not hidden

from You.

My heart throbs endlessly, my

strength fails me;

even the light of my eyes – 

it also has disappeared.

My friends and companions have

no time for me,

my family stays at a distance. 

The tempter knows well my weakness

and lays a snare in my path, 

Those who choose the darkness are

ever at my door,

seeking my company. 

Like someone who is deaf,

I do not hear,

like one who is dumb, 

I do not speak.

Yes, I pretend not to hear, because

I am afraid to rebuke those

who lead me astray. 

For You alone, Beloved, do I wait;

You alone, O Gracious One,

will answer my cry.

I pray, “Be my strength!

Uphold me when I am weak

And paralysed with fear!”

For I seem ready to fall, 

my pain is always with me.

I confess my shortcomings,

I am sorry for my transgression.

No longer will I listen and follow

the ego’s wily ways;

They lead only to despair and

separate me from Love.

I feel like a child again, ready

to learn life’s lessons of peace;

I choose to walk in the Light.

I no longer feel separated from You,

O Beloved!

I know I am One with All!

You have rolled away the stone

from my heart,

O Love, my Beloved Friend!